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WHY PEOPLE LIE |
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| Narcissistic Issues |
| Successful lying can be seen as the exercising of power over another. To get someone else to believe a falsehood is to devalue that person and obtain a sense of superiority or control. For individuals who have low self-esteem or feelings of inadequacy, the process of lying may be more important than the content of the lie. The thrill of "putting one over" becomes the primary reason for lying. This underlying motivation may be one of the major forces that drives people for whom deceit becomes a way of life, such as impostors, con men, and individuals with factitious disease. |
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| Lying to Support Self-Deception |
| No one is beyond exaggerating abilities and past accomplishments to inflate self-importance. But for some people with a poor self-concept, lying in the service of self-deception can be used to create a more impressive identity. For example, a man who comes from a chaotic dysfunctional family, and never attended college, may tell superficially believable stories about his accomplishments as a college football hero. When someone else believes his stories, these imagined achievements take on substance and reality for him, as if they are actually true. Thus he enhances his sense of identity, albeit falsely. |
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| Lying as an Interpersonal Process |
Despite our moral condemnation of lying, the fact remains that we often encourage others to lie to us. We want them to tell us that which we wish to believe. This phenomenon occurs regularly in social exchanges: "You look so pretty today." It also occurs in work situations when it is hazardous to onešs job to disagree with the boss, and in retail situations when a skillful salesman persuasively sells the affordability of a new (and expensive) automobile that exceeds your budget.
In a more malignant manner, lies can be used as weapons for attacking other people. This behavior can be seen in individuals with a borderline personality disorder, who may vent their chronic anger at people in their lives whom they have devalued. Vicious rumors or false accusations, such as allegations of sexual abuse, can be very damaging to the objects of their deceit.
Lies can also be used to maintain interpersonal distance in an attempt to preserve autonomy. A person may conceal or distort activities, feelings, and thoughts in an effort to prevent perceived intrusiveness by someone else. | |  |
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| Conclusions |
| Many of the motivations described above can be readily identified in individuals we consider to be pathological liars. Yet to a lesser extent, most of these same motivations are present in "normal people." Everyone has a need to create a personal identity, sustain self-esteem, preserve a strong and autonomous sense of self, and express anger. Often, we unconsciously use deceit in our daily interpersonal interactions to reinforce our own self-deceptions. |
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